And If I Die Before I Wake - The Beginning

On this early Saturday morning, I am pulled from my sleep by this strange experience called sunshine!  The light sifts through my blinds reminding me of how much I have missed waking up to this thing called sun. I love waking up to sunshine! 

Soon it will be my birthday and I will put another slash mark on the mental wall that I have completed another year here on earth.  I was born in 1950.  That sounds OLD.  OLD!  But I will share about OLD at another time perhaps on my actual birthday.   Today I do not feel OLD.  I have no desire to focus on OLD but I am going to focus on dying.   Dying is subject that most people choose to avoid.  A 'life' event that none of us will avoid but we too often pretend that it never happens.  We do not 'live' knowing that our days our numbered but they are! We just do not know what that number is.

My father was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer. He is in his 80's.  He is scared.  He has made it this far in life trying to figure things out on his own.  He is a survivor in so many areas but like all of the human race he will not survive what we all try to avoid, dying.  His age alone would state that the number of his earthly days are drawing to a close.  This new diagnosis makes us know that the countdown to his earthly life passing is sooner than he planned. 

I live in Chicago.  He lives in Oregon.  I won't be near him often enough, to help with the day to day issues he will face.  The fear of suffering and pain is huge in his thinking. I get it!  I have lost too many people I love to death or at least earth ending death.  (He won't be alone, he has a family who will walk with him down this path.)

As I have pondered this scenario.  I know I have one constant resource that I can give to him and that is prayer.    He knows Jesus.  He knows he will be in heaven when he leaves this earth.  Like most of us, the unknown is unsettling.  My prayer blogs will be a small attempt to help direct his thoughts to the only one who can calm him, hold him and carry him into the place we call eternity.  I will mail these postings to him, for he does not use the Internet.  I share these prayers in hopes that others may be able to grasp what an awesome thing it is to know God our creator and lover of our souls.   When we leave this earth it is not the end of life, it is just the beginning of what we call eternity.

Dear Lord Jesus,

When I acknowledged that you are my God, my Lord and the savior of my soul, I was at peace.  I was thankful and delighted in this new found knowledge of being loved by the creator of the world.  You have put up with me, guided me, humored me, and waited for me as I walked life in my own strength.  You have never left me.  You are always waiting at the spot I walked away from you.  You are always there to rescue me from me. 

Today I know that my life on this earth is short.  Short for certain in the measure of eternity, the never ending place you reside.  Short, in light of grasping the fact that what I have always known is going to go away.  Short, because I still have an agenda for what I want to do or become.  Short, because I do not know anything else and dying scares me beyond words.

My humanness is all I know.  I know I must reach out to you for this next chapter in life called death.  I cling to promises you have made in your word to me, the Bible.  I am weak in my trust. But trust I must for there is no other place to land.  I claim back for me, the Psalm from David who was facing death, who was a soldier who fought each battle knowing that you were the one who allowed him to live or to die, for he trusted You.  Your word tells me death is not in vain if I call on you as my saviour.  Death is just the passage for me to come to you.  Because you promise to hear my prayers I ask that you walk with me through this valley that I fear.  I ask that you give me peace knowing you are awaiting my arrival in heaven, my forever home.  Amen


 "Precious in the sight of the Lord are the death of His saints."   Psalm 116:15 (Bible)

 "This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son.  And this is why: so that no one need to be destroyed; by believing in Him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life.  God didn't go to all of the trouble of sending his Son merely to to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was.  He came to help, to put the world right again.  Anyone who trusts in Him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust Him as long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person's failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to Him.  John 3:26 (Bible- The Message - translation) 

"Every man dies. Not every man really lives." w. wallace

On this Monday night in April I have come back to my blog to do some reflecting on life, family, friendships and death.  Because I am blessed with so many experiences that draw me into the lives of people, places and things I am also pulled into the sad side of life as well.  My blog title says so much,  "Every man (woman) dies.  Not every man (woman) really lives."  My musings will hopefully cause those who choose to read this to be aware of their mortality and to embrace the gifts that life brings.

One year ago I made a rushed trip to TN.  I had a dear friend who was dying and she made it known to her family that she wanted to see me.  Her condition was deteriorating quickly, as that horrible disease called cancer was winning.  I had been out of town and did not know if I could make it in time.  My prayer was answered and I did make it,  45 minutes was all that was left of her earthly life but I made it!!  The simple tear drop told me she knew I was there and then she left this earth. To have been summoned by her as she was dying is perhaps the highest compliment a friend can give. I remain humbled by this request.

That same trip one year ago, I was able to visit another dear and special friend who was also battling cancer.  She was in a better state physically. We were able to visit, share pizza together and enjoy the gift of time, family and friendship.  I knew deep down in my heart that when I left TN that it would be the last time I saw her this side of eternity.  I was right a few weeks ago she too was taken out of this life by cancer. 



Both of these fun, incredible, beautiful, strong full of life ladies changed my life in so many ways.  The dash between the dates of their births and their deaths was time well spent.  Both were awesome mothers and wives, they contributed to life in their work, their love for others and in giving.  Both had zeal and zest for life.  Both chose to include me as a friend.



I now am facing the fact that my father has cancer, sooner than later he will not be here on earth any longer.  The dash between his birth and the days left on this earth are few. He is in his 80's.   His mortality and preparing to leave this earth again makes me reflect on mine.  Life is so fleeting.

As ponder the brevity of life and the impact that we as humans have on each others lives I am praying that I end well. Is someone better because they spent time with me or  you?  Are my actions such that another person is inspired to become the 'best' they can be?   Have I cared more about others than myself?  What difference does it make that I have lived?

When the final day of my life here on earth is etched upon my grave stone , will the  dash between the dates have made an impact on this place called earth?   Will someone have been better off, encouraged, given hope, made to smile because I was alive?

What will be said of the 'dash' between the dates of your life? My two friends, Cathey Harrell Tierney and Pam Riddell made a difference, they allowed me to be their friend and have impacted me forever. I am closing with two quotes.  One from the Bible the other from a deep theologian, Erma Bombeck, both resound with a message I have chosen to embrace.  What is your resolve on life?

"For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but that I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die. For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better."  Philippians 1:20-21 Bible

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say 'I used everything you gave me.' " Erma Bombeck